This afternoon I had a pretty big presentation for school. I kicked butt. However, I think my level of procrastination and apathy has hit an all time high . Well, maybe it has been worse at points, but it’s pretty bad right now. My intention was to spend all weekend working on the project. I didn’t even start writing/editing my tape until 6 o’clock last night. Problem? Not really, I knew I had it under control. This time. I have this uncanny ability to procrastinate wildly, then pull of magic at the last moment, so why waste it, right?

Last semester I had three grueling class and my practicum and I had to work my butt off. I did all the reading for all of my classes, I had assignments mostly finished weeks in advance (so I had much needed time to edit), and was totally on top of everything. Until the last week or so of the semester at least. However this semester I’m taking three easy classes and upping my time at Prac to even out the workload. The extra practicum time is keeping me busy, but I have also decided I don’t need to do the reading in these classes, I’m not worried about the couple big papers I have this semester, and instead of getting things done ahead of time, I’m totally allowing myself to goof off.

I’m not big on comics, but there’s a strip that I find I relate to a lot. PHDcomics.com. There is a recent one which describes my procrastination very accurately.

Also, I get emails like the following on a regular basis – and my thought process is similar.

Anyway…. That’s my boring post for today.

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I haven’t written about my really super scary neighbor yet, have I? He is a man whom I have never seen, and never, ever want to encounter in person.

I live in a pretty quiet little complex. There’s a decent mix of young professionals and young families. My apartment is a small one bedroom, but the community has a mix of one, two and three bedrooms varying in size and amenities (everyone has a balcony and roman baths, but not everyone has a gorgeous fireplace). Occasionally really loud cars roll in blasting music and I can hear it through my open slider, and sometimes kids are playing outside in the courtyard below my window and I can hear them, but generally this place is silent. I have never overheard a neighbor doing ANYTHING before.

Amount a month before Christmas I was sleeping peacefully when I woke up to a man screaming “you fucking bitch, I’m going to kill you” in a tone that made me fear for my life. I had never heard so much as a peep from any of my surrounding neighbors, and it sounded pretty muffled – so I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Did I say it was 6:30am on a Friday? As the screaming continued, repeating the same phrase, I became more worried. Was the “fucking bitch” being hurt? Was it my social duty do to something? I was slightly dazed, and terrified. The first thing I did was call an ex-neighbor. He is someone I had once called on to kill a giant spider for me, and was much more aware of who lived in the community than I was (he used to live two stories down from me, but had already moved out by this time). He had no idea who it could be, but urged me to call the police about it – because it was a noise violation, and really should be documented if something did happen. He was also surprisingly helpful, despite the fact that I had woken him up at 6:30 in the morning in a panic.

I crawled out of bed and tried to find the number for the local police station, but it was early, I wasn’t really awake, and I wasn’t sure if there was a local number for my police station, if I should call the city police, or if I should just call 911. Instead I tried to call my dad. He had already left for work, so I talked to my mom for a bit, who also suggested the police thing. But I was frustrated, and tired (I had been up late writing a paper and had little time before I had to get up for work), and the screaming had stopped. Since I wasn’t sure where it was coming from, I decided to go back to bed.Later that day I talked to a couple people about it (including S., who I desperate wanted to call when it was happening, but I know he turns his phone off at night, and doesn’t fall back asleep as easily as I do). The consensus was that I should definitely call the police. Retroactively, I didn’t feel I had enough information. My mom suggested that if it ever happened again I should pull out my voice recorder and tape it.

Well, after I returned from my holiday travels, it happened again. This time the phrase of choice was “screw you, you fucking bitch” and the walls of my building were slightly shaking – as if something was being thrown at them. I pulled out my voice recorder, put it in the bathroom (where it was the loudest) and called the police. They showed up promptly, they were polite, but of course, extremely unhelpful. The screaming had stopped, they said since I couldn’t identify which unit it was coming from they couldn’t just go knocking on doors. But if they heard it, they would love to report it (and charge them with at least a 300 dollar noise violation). And that calling them was the right thing, etc. They also listened to part of the tape and made jokes about how they seem like such a sweet, happy couple.A week or so later, I heard the man just once. He screamed a similar line to the previous occasions, and I heard a scream, and a door slam. However, there was a continual knocking sound for the next half hour. I think the woman had locked herself in the bathroom. I didn’t call the police because I figured they’d say the same thing they did last time. However, this time I was pretty sure it was coming from the adjacent apartment. But I am impressed by the sound proofing of this place.Just a few minutes ago I heard a lot of thumping. Like either someone was hanging pictures on our shared wall, or moving very large furniture. As I write this, I hear a slight whirring noise – which may be a vacuum. He is either doing construction work, or they have separated and are moving out. Oh how much I hope it is the latter! For both my sake (because I am really scared of this dude. I have no doubt he would kill her – and me), and for the sake of this woman. There’s also the possibility that she’s dead. I’m not always home. He could have killed her one night when I was out. After one of the fights, I kept glancing out my peephole, expecting to see a man dragging a huge rolled up rug down the stairs.Uh oh. I wonder if this is the same person I’m borrowing internet from. Thankfully the cable guy will be here soon to get me back on my own connection!

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Today I realized I had a ton on almost-expired ingredients in my fridge/pantry: Vanilla yogurt, graham crackers, cream cheese, eggs, chocolate chips and evaporated milk. Well, there was only one thing I could obviously make from these ingredients: Cheesecake! I was looking at recipes, and there are about 8000 ways to make cheesecake, using all types of ingredients from sour cream to lemon juice. I managed to find one that used all of the random ingredients I had, and none of the ingredients I didn’t (milk is a common ingredient). It was great. I even used the yogurt as a sour cream substitute. Awesome. Well, my cheesecake is fabulous. But I don’t know who to share it with. I hung out with a friend today, but he doesn’t like chocolate. Oh well.

My weekend has been pretty low key. Every single person I know (including myself) has been either sick or having bizarre symptoms in the last week. I’m staying home and consuming massive amounts of vitamin C. Staying home is also very easy because I am getting cable channels through my line that I shouldn’t be. However, this also means that my internet isn’t working – so I’m “borrowing” from my neighbor. Thanks neighbor! Too bad it only works in my bedroom – so I can’t really be online and watching the Discovery Channel simultaneously :/Using my computer in bed is messing up my sleep. You know how they say you should only do two things in bed (have sex and sleep)? Well, I think there may be some validity to it. I am usually the best sleeper. S. has been amazed by my ability to fall asleep in three minutes flat. However, I have had the weirdest dreams the last week, and I think it’s because of the web surfing I’ve been doing from my sleeping place. It needs to stop. Good thing the cable guy is coming tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep my internet AND the free cable.

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It’s crazy; how the littlest things can make me feel like I’m missing a limb. Today I forgot my wallet. I was at a drive through, trying to get a fruit and yogurt parfait, when I pulled up to the window and I realized my wallet is still sitting on my computer desk. Not many things can make me panic; but this does. First, I was embarrassed that I couldn’t pay for the food I had just ordered. Second, I was HUNGRY. Now I’m going to have to live off the protein bar in my desk until dinner time. Third, I DON’T HAVE MY WALLET! There are important things in there that I NEED. Example: money for gas. I think I have just enough gas to make it to the school I have to trek to, and back home. But what if I didn’t? Seriously. I don’t even know what I’d do. What if I were to get pulled over? (It hasn’t happened yet, but what if it does today?) – I don’t have my license. What if I get in a car accident? No license, no AAA card, nothing. I work an hour away from home. It’s not like I can just run back and grab it. One day I forgot my cell phone: that afternoon I got in an accident. It was awful! I had to walk along the highway in work clothes to last exit/gas station. Ack!

There’s an episode of 30 Rock where Liz talks about her great fear of choking alone in her apartment. Yesterday I almost fell face-first down my concrete stairs. I was really freaked out. One time I was at home and my dresser fell on top of me. S. was half an hour away, and it was like midnight. I managed to get out myself, but my dresser stayed on the floor for a week and I am still a little nervous it’s going to jump out and attack me. I realize this makes me sound a little paranoid, but I’m hungry.

My life is way too privileged if these are the things that make me the most nervous. Seriously. I’m worried because I don’t have my card to pay for food, not that I can’t afford to eat. To quote my favorite little girl “buck up kid!”

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Okay, we all know those hideous “You know you’re from ____ if:” lists, right? Well, today as I was driving home from work I came to the conclusion that I am totally stuck in my routine and I seriously need to move.

The last few months I’ve been pretty conflicted about the issue of moving. I am totally in love with a wonderful man who lives too far away, and I miss his companionship dreadfully. I told him I was going to take a year off school and that I would like to move to be closer to him. Being a man, he resisted. Being totally insecure and terrified of losing him, I pushed him too far. Things got sappy, awful, miserable: think romantic comedy scene where they’re in the airport and she goes up the escalator carrying the roses he met her with, sobbing. They both stare longingly at each other, heartbroken, as she drifts away up to her awaiting plane, both afraid they’ll never see each other again. Oh goodness. I just made myself cry thinking about it. It was HORRIBLE. Anyway, in the resolution boy asks girl to follow him when he moves. Exactly what she wanted: right? yes. and no.

It’s funny – I really love being adventurous. I love taking off for the weekend without a completely set plan. I love exploring. Danger. But I know that I have somewhere to come home to. Something stable. I’m fine with moving if I know where I’m going. If I have a new plan for my life. I am also completely fine with completely changing the plan spur of the moment – but I need that secure base in some way. When I was young, it was my family. Well, sort of. I knew wherever they went, I did too. When I moved out, I needed a space of my own. Even if it was a tiny, crappy, falling apart one room apartment. But with this move: nothing is absolute. We don’t know where it will be to. I obviously don’t have a job or an apartment lined up. It scares the crap out of me!

In this way I seriously feel like I have Asperger’s. Seriously. I know when I live in one place for too long I fall into a routine: which makes me happy and comfortable. And I hate it (Thus my New Year’s Resolution). Well, today as I was driving home, I realized I have too many routines here. WAY too many. It has because much worse since S. moved, because when I am alone I tend to be even less adventurous. I seem to need that person to help me realize I’m boring? So in the car I started making a list or signs that I have become too comfortable living here.I really don’t like those “You know you’re from Greenberg if…” lists, because they’re not funny. It’s only funny to people who have lived in one place for a long time. I can recognize the truth in many of them (I’ve lived many places, so therefore I can relate to many lists), but most of them aren’t really that different. Well, you’re about to encounter something equally bad. This is a list of things that most likely only I will understand. They’re things that I find both comforting, and horrifying about living in one place for a period of time. Parts of me like knowing a lot about one place, but the majority of me is screaming to be released from this horrible routine I’m trapped in. I had a really hard time renewing my lease because I knew I’d been living in the same place for another 9 months. Scary! It may be stupid to you, but it’s sort of serious. But in a please-make-fun-of-me so I change sort of way.

- I have radio presets to match any mood I could be in: Hip-Hop, Top 40, Soft Rock, NPR, Christian & Spanish. I am well versed with the morning hosts on each and actually listen to them in the morning – I don’t just flip to find music.

- I actually understand what the heck the traffic reporter is saying. I know exactly how I crash on one road will change my morning, and I even know how to take back roads to avoid the massive highway pileups.

- I have a “favorite” restaurant for each of the major food groups- Pizza, Chinese, Indian, Mexican & Italian, and I will plan my trips accordingly (if I go to this mountain biking trail I can get pizza on my way home!)

- My trips to the each of the above has become too regular. The take out guys know me as the woman who only needs one set of plastic ware, and most likely has twelve cats at home.

- I know the layouts of the three closest grocery stores, targets and walmarts. If I need Milk I know exactly where to go in each to find the organic dairy. I never have to ask what isle they’re hiding the popcorn in.

- I have a great interest in the cars that park near me at school and my apartment. I even feel a kinship with certain vehicles, even though I have never seen the owners (There is an SUV at school that I often park next to that had street bikes on the back. I used to think our bikes were friends, hanging out in the parking garage together, not being ridden – it got too cold for both of us though).

- Every employee in my leasing office knows my apartment number, but not my name – because that’s all they need when I pick up packages. Amazon much?

- I can no longer use the excuse “Sorry, I just moved here” to avoid giving people directions or to make new friends. They always ask how long it’s been, and the number freaks me out.

The last time I was feeling anxiety about moving my dad kept reminding me that “people aren’t ponds, we’re rivers; a rope without give will snap with any great jolt; blah blah, be dyamic!” Fine Mr. engineer, I’ll be a bridge that gives when the weather changes.

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I keep thinking of things to post about, but I always forget them by the time I get to a computer. Today’s post is going to be a little bit of everything, and a lot of nothing.

I finally watched Juno tonight. So cute! It had received excellent reviews all around, but I didn’t expect it to be so funny, and heartwarming at the same time. Ack. I’m a sucker for romantic comedies (which this is not), but usually I laugh at them instead of with them – but this was so sweet. It in a-want-to-go-hug-puppies kind of way. I am pathetic.

Last week my mom called me up and told me she needed a favor. Uh-oh. My mom never asks for anything, I knew this was heading somewhere awkward. Well, she’s taking a class in which she needs to redo her resume (she’s going back to school because after taking 25 years off to raise kids her former degree is a little outdated) and the professor said that each student needed to find three people to make a list of ten adjectives describing them. Ack! First of all, I really dislike assignments like this. Second, she’s my MOM, I don’t see her that way! Well, this last week or so I’ve had a list in my inbox which has been revised countless times.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I really love my mother and respect her, but sometimes I have to pretend something she does are because she’s not paying attention, not because she doesn’t know better (she does!). My mother is very sweet, but I see her as good at one thing: being a mom. I know that sounds like a horrible thing to say, but that’s the role she’s played in my life. I could do this for my dad pretty well, because a lot of the characteristics of his personality (well, the good ones) are the ones I have integrated into myself: I am very motivated, dedicated, stubborn, etc. However, my mother is much more passive, sweet, caring, matronly – exactly what I don’t want to be. And therefore I had a difficult time making a list of ten great adjectives to describe her that also would make her awesome to an employer in a science field. “Stable, Adaptive, Humble.”

I think the problem is that I was trying to find words that described her, but also the positive attributes of myself. I guess I had a hard time identifying traits that I don’t also posses. That’s a little self-centered of me. I need to appreciate that lady more. I called her when I was sick and thanked her for always taking care of me when I was sick when I was younger. It’s good to have a mommy – even if you’re totally different people and you don’t want to be exactly like her when you grow up.

ps – If doing a google image search for “mommy” – turn on the filter. I really expected pretty pictures of moms, not tons of porn!pps – happy handwriting day, measure your feet day and pie day (not to be confused with national pi day, which is March 14th. Dude, I am such a loser for knowing that :/).

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What a sad, horrible day. At 5:30 I got a text message telling me that Heath Ledger had died. I can’t believe it. It’s one of those things you don’t know how to properly react to. I didn’t know him. Sure I loved him in 10 Things I Hate About You, and The Patriot. And Casanova! And A Knights Tale was cheesy, but good because he was in it. And I wouldn’t have even bothered to see Brokeback Mountain if he wasn’t in it. I don’t know if I can see the Black Knight now :/

I have never cared about a celebrity death before. When Anna Nicole died I felt a bit of sympathy for her daughter, but besides that I didn’t really care. When Princess Di died, I didn’t understand the hype. I sort of feel that it would be silly to get sad about the death of someone you’ve never met. But Heath was my teenage crush! I remember watching 10 Things and thinking I would happily marry him. I think he and Johnny Depp are the only two men I would put in that category of ridiculous crushes.

How can you resist that gorgeousness? SAD!

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Recently I’ve been part of quite a few discussion about political issues: drug enforcement, smokers’ rights, abortion, sperm donation, stem cell research, discussing the upcoming elections and the candidates and the whole idea of voting and democracy. These are all topics I generally steer clear of, because I really dislike politics – particularly discussion about it, because just like religion, it’s very personal and it’s not likely that anyone in the discussion will change their mind, people will just start to dislike each other. Although if you stay neutral and keep your opinions to yourself, people will dislike you for NOT having an opinion. So, although I avoid these matters at pretty much all costs, they have arisen in all facets of my life recently. It’s an election year – I guess it’s just what happens.

But his post is not a political rant. It’s a story about something cool that’s happened to my dad recently. The reason I started with politics is because I recently was discussing with someone the timeless question of “Why bother voting? Your vote doesn’t count anyway…” (An aside – this is a thought provoking article, which was a great springboard for a discussion on individualistic vs collectivist mentalities in voting). I won’t tell you my opinion on the subject, because undoubtedly someone will dislike me for sharing it, but it really is an interesting idea – that millions of people are part of this giant process, and although everyone has different reasons for being involved (or not), there are so many people involved that it’s easy to feel insignificant. That’s usually how it is with our crazy government. But not always.

Over the winter holidays my dad told me about how he got picked for jury duty and how he was all excited about this “amazing opportunity.” We all sort of laughed at him. My mom’s done it, a couple of my friends have done it – they went to the courthouse, sat around for a while, then were told to go home. My dad was convinced he was going to get something more exciting, and he certainly has. About 8 years ago a woman was reported missing from her home in my parent’s state. They found her body 4 years later, and in 2005 arrested a man for her murder. Now, 3 years later, he is finally going to trial. Because the case is so well known in the county it happened in, they had to go search all around the state to find jurors. I guess they interviewed over 200 of them to get their little collection of 12 regular jurors and 4 alternates. My dad is one of them. He is getting getting on a bus tomorrow morning and is going to be sequestered in a hotel room for at least two weeks while the trial goes on. For the last week or so my dad hasn’t been allowed to watch any tv, and when he is actively part of the trial, he can’t watch tv, go online, or do anything normal people do. He can only make phone calls during a half hour window, and his calls will be monitored. It’s crazy! I guess this guy is up for the death penalty, so it’s a pretty high profile case. My dad’s company is a little ticked because he’s supposed to be going to California to put some huge project together this week, but my dad’s just upset that he may be missing the Super Bowl (go Patriots!).

I would be pretty sad if the government told me I had to go sit in a dingy hotel room for two weeks, not talk to anyone, and get paid ten bucks a day, but I also think it could be exciting to be someone who makes a decision in a case like this. Every person counts. I’m not very patriotic, I don’t really care for our justice system (well, compared to many other countries I like it, but I am also critical of its many faults), but I do really like Law and Order. And I’m happy for my dad, who is very excited.But I can’t help but wonder how I’d feel if I was part a group that had to decide if someone lives or dies. I can’t even kill mosquitoes. If I found him guilty, I would know that I was responsible for his death.

The fact that I am worrying about this and am not even involved probably means that I wouldn’t be picked as a juror. My bow hunting, military father probably responded in a way much more to the prosecutor’s liking. Much differently than a cute, vegetarian, psychology minded woman in her twenties would.

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I am always disappointed when I watch movies that I’ve already read in book form. However, I’m generally pleasantly delighted when I watch the movie first, then read the book.

Example: I read Running With Scissors over the holiday and was completely intrigued. It was horrible. In the I can’t believe this person lived through this kind of way. In a I love messed up people kind of way. There’s a lot of crazy in the book (I also read his brother’s memoir, Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s, which is weird, but I really loved due to my fascination with the subject). Anyway – back to the point, I watched the movie tonight and I was frustrated with missing plot lines, important themes, facts being changed. growl!

However, I seem to really enjoy seeing movies, then reading the novel after. It doesn’t really seem to bother me doing it that direction – and I don’t know why! However, then I’m stuck with the actors in my head as I read – not necessarily the character described by the author. Maybe I should just read and stop watching movies. Or the other way around. I have too much mandatory reading now anyway.

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So, you may have noticed that one of my links is to a vegan blog about wonderful meal ideas, but I’m not vegan. Sometime I wish I was, but I really have a thing for cheese, and I know I couldn’t do it. Havarti, extra sharp cheddar, munster, ricotta, cream cheese, yum! Also, I rely too much on dairy for protein. I have tried to make some yummy vegan meals, but they never come out as delicious as the ones on this blog appear to be.

My diet is typically that of a person who has very little time – bagels, protein bars, pasta with cheese – but I don’t seem to do much better on the the weekends. Example: I woke up late this morning, and had a tiny bit of oatmeal with jam. Then, an hour or two later I made myself french toast with sour dough with a large pot of tea that I’ve been working on all day. A couple hours later, a protein bar. And just now pasta with cheddar cheese, black beans, diced tomatoes, salsa and avocado with a glass of riesling. This will be followed by tollhouse chocolate chip cookies and milk. and maybe hot chocolate. I’ve had an entire day thinking about food, and I’ve still only managed very simple meals. Often I can only manage indian or chinese take out, or worse: pizza. For someone who loves food so much, it’s pretty pathetic. I am doomed to be a sad cat lady who eats frozen meals every day.

Somehow it’s still better than my diet when I was eating most of my meals with my boyfriend. I had more muscle then, but my diet was sad. Love is no good for your diet. I think that’s one of the only perks of a long distance relationship.

Point is – I need good, easy meal ideas! I need to break away from my pasta with cheese and beans, bagel with cream cheese, yogurt, protein bar diet. HELP!

Yum! Broccoli tempura Gobi Manchurian!

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